Wednesday, November 5, 2008
(Cont'd from above)...

In all seriousness, Obama must hire me as SEC chairman, Fed chairman, and Treasury Secretary... 3 in 1, like the oil...

Here's my job application...

I promise I will work harder than anyone else because I have problems sleeping, I wake up every morning at 4am at the latest and, most importantly, I have an intense inferiority complex, and I, at last, want to live up to my father's expectations... That, and I know exactly what we need to do... much better than the current crowd of jokers who were partially responsible for the mess that we're in...

Okay... here's what we do...

The second day after giving me Fed chair, here's what he has to do... he has to fix the auto industry, and I've got this plan...

This is actually not facetious... we have to bail out GM and Chrysler, not to mention Ford... You can't let these companies fail. We need to use the same template we used for the AIG bailout... First we do a government-backed merger of GM and Cerberus' Chrysler... something that should be easy to pass through congress as John Snow, Cerberus' front man and former Bush Treasury Secretary, as well as Bob Nardelli, the man who wrecked Home Depot, and the current CEO of Chrysler, have tremendous leverage in Washington. Why? I couldn't tell you. It's hard to find two more incompetent figures...

The way to do the deal is for the government to take a huge stake in GM's common stock, as well as buying billions in newly-issued GM preferred, which would preserve all of GM's bonds, all of their converts, and allow GM to raise capital for the deal, because the government's backing will turn all of GM's bonds into high-grade paper. This way, the company can also use the federal intervention to raise all of the money it wants to by selling commercial paper to fund all day-to-day operations. This has the added advantage of letting the workers keep their jobs, and allowing the unions to fight the good fight, whether you like that or not. So it should be an easy sell for the Obama administration, which may actually care about the little guy.

Now, I want you to be careful... This could potentially be a government of, by and for the workers...

But, better than just stuffing money into the bankers' pockets... which happens to be, if you really want to parse it out, the republicans plan... I'd do the same thing with Ford, take a big equity stake and buy up all the preferreds...

In the end, we may use the same model the Europeans have with AirBus. This is what's going to happen, okay... the AirBus model... turning them into permanent state-sponsored enterprises, sort of like Fannie and Freddie before they were dismantled.

Bush was willing to bail out Wall Street. Obama got elected because he's willing to bail out Main Street, and he has to do what he can to save the autos. I guess what's good for GM is still good for America, not to mention Chrysler and Ford...

On Day Three...

I think Obama has to solve energy independence and jobs... This shouldn't be too tough, once you realize that we have enough natural gas to supply all of our energy's needs until the end of days, and he can make a back-room deal with the autos to plan to use compressed natural gas (CNG) to fuel their new cars when they accept the bailout money. All federal vehicles must run on natural gas by 2012... something like that... and you say to the integrated oils that, if you don't open natural gas fueling stations, you won't be eligible for tax credits.

That's all we need to do to achieve energy independence and create millions of drilling jobs. Pretty good for three days in the office...

Here's Day Four...

Obama must let it be known that there will be no more immigrant deportations. Like it or not, listen to me... so that immigrants, legal and illegal, will stop being afraid to buy homes. The home areas that have been most decimated are exactly where the immigrants were buying. It's a major, not-talked-about issue. By the way, the immigrants default rate is almost nil... These are the people the banks want to lend to, as they all take on fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth and ninth jobs to keep their mortgages current.

Then, to solve the housing crisis, Obama should take the remaining $400 billion in the TARP program, which is probably ear-marked right now to be sure that all the bonuses at Merrill Lynch stay consistent and that we give Credit Suisse a lot of money, and maybe we ought to buy 1.3 million homes outright. That's what you would get for $400 billion, using the average price for a home in California, which is the worst market.

He should either give these homes to people, in return for 5% loans, and minimum down payments... send the loan to the FHA... Or, to tell you the truth, even at this point, it would be cheaper than the Wells Fargo giveaway... He should pull an FDR, and burn them... burn the homes... to get rid of the oversupply. An agricultural adjustment act for housing... I kid you not. Listen, we slaughtered pigs and we plowed over corn and, well, it didn't work, but we can try it again...

It will end the foreclosure crisis just in time for my schedule, which is 238 days left. This is actually a legitimate plan and I am including it when I send my letter to Ron Emmanuel (expected to be designated as Obama's new Chief of Staff) who is apparently running the economy... This is a much better plan than what Nancy Pelosi proposed today which, by the way, helped kill today's market.

Day Five...

Well, I've pretty much done all the work I've needed to do, so I would scout out whoever the Redskins may be playing that weekend, and like Cramer-fave President Nixon, call in a play to Jim Zorn for the big game... This time, it will make the difference.

Bottom line...


The bottom line!:     All Obama needs to do to save the country is give me three of the highest offices in the land, save the autos, achieve energy independence using natural gas, and the oversupply of housing. It sounds easy when you think about it. I think he can do it in four days. Let's give him a hundred.

[verbatim recap]

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